forliberty--a brave heart's quest for freedom

On Saving Sex for Marriage: "I Could Have Had a Corvette."

Once there was a six year old girl who lost her first tooth.  The next morning when she was asking her dad about spending the money the tooth fairy brought her, he said, “You may choose to spend your money now.  You have about enough to buy a gumball in a gumball machine.  I know you love everything about gumballs.  There’s the thrill of seeing which one will come rolling down the shoot in the dispenser.  There’s the excitement of the burst of flavor when you first bite down on it.  Then, you can’t wait to see how long it takes to chew it up ‘til you can blow your first bubble.  Every time you have some bubble gum, you try and try to blow bigger and better bubbles and see how long they’ll last before bursting.  You try to make the flavor stretch out as long as you can, then you throw it away.  I know this would be very exciting for you, and you may want it really badly, but I have another idea.

“If you’ll save your tooth fairy money and save all the money when all the rest of your teeth fall out, I’ll help you when you get old enough to get a driver’s license.  We’ll study and prepare and get ready for the day you take your test.  Once you’ve passed the test, we’ll go car shopping.  I’ll help you buy your first car, and I’m planning on it being a brand new Corvette convertible.  I think this will be the most fun you’ll ever have when you drive around in your new car.  There’s nothing like the freedom you’ll feel with the top down and the wind blowing in your hair on a sunny day.  You’ll be the only one to own this car and it’ll be totally yours.  The seats will conform to your shape and you’ll soon learn how to handle it for best performance.  You can go fast or slow, in the country or city and you’ll be able to depend on it because it’s new and well built.  The power you’ll feel under your control will blow you away.

“If you choose to spend your money early, I’ll still help you when it comes time to get a car.  We’ll get a used Camaro for you.  It’ll still be a great car and get you where you want to go.  It’ll take a lot of work, though, to get it up to peak performance.  It may even take some costly repairs.  Driving a Camaro can be very satisfying.  When you’ve gotten it repaired and freed from its past,** you’ll wake up one morning and it will have become a Corvette.  I want the very best for you, so I hope you’ll hold out for the new Corvette to begin with.” 

This is just a parable and an incomplete analogy, but it came to mind when I was thinking about a program I’d heard on Focus on the Family.*    I was wondering how to explain to girls (and boys) who live in our culture the benefits of waiting ‘til marriage for sexual intimacy.  I think we so often tell kids what they can’t do, but kids love to challenge rules authorities put in place.  What if instead of telling young people what they can’t do, we try to help them catch the vision of what God has in mind when he designs marriage to be a life-long, monogamous commitment between one man and one woman?  A vision is something worth planning for and waiting for when you know it’s going to be better than any other scheme that may cross your mind when you don’t have a plan.

It’s just like God not just to tell us what we can’t do.  He doesn’t want there to be even a hint of sexual immorality among us.  (Ephesians 5:3, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” NIV)  Did He tell us this because He doesn’t want us to have fun and He doesn’t know how to party?  NO.  He tells us because of the Hebrew word yada (pronounced with a heavy accent on the second syllable, not like yada, yada, yada.)  That word is used 949 times in the Bible.  It’s translated “to have sex with or to lay with” a few times.  But the vast majority of the times yada is used it’s translated as “to know” or the other various forms of know, knows, known, knew, etc.  So, God has so much more in mind than just sex when He designs marriage. Ephesians 5 is not all about what God says we can’t do.  It’s about the pleasure of sex a married couple can experience in the context of yada.

Here are some verses that give us a clue as to what God has in mind with the word yada (words in bold type have been translated from yada):

Exodus 3: ⁷ The LORD said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. ⁸ So I have come down to rescue them

2 Chronicles 6: ³⁰ then hear from heaven, your dwelling place. Forgive, and deal with each man according to all he does, since you know his heart (for you alone know the hearts of men), ³¹ so that they will fear you and walk in your ways all the time they live in the land you gave our fathers.  ³² “As for the foreigner who does not belong to your people Israel but has come from a distant land because of your great name and your mighty hand and your outstretched arm—when he comes and prays toward this temple, ³³ then hear from heaven, your dwelling place, and do whatever the foreigner asks of you, so that all the peoples of the earth may know your name and fear you, as do your own people Israel, and may know that this house I have built bears your Name.

Psalm 9:¹⁰ Those who know your name will trust in you,  for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 16: ¹¹ You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Psalm 46: ¹⁰Be still, and know that I am God;

Psalm 98: ² The LORD has made his salvation known and revealed his righteousness to the nations.

Psalm 139: ¹ O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue  you know it completely, O LORD. ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Proverbs 3: ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart  and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,  and he will make your paths straight.

Jeremiah 16: ²¹ “Therefore I will teach them— this time I will teach them my power and might. Then they will know that my name is the LORD.

Amos 3: ² You only have I chosen of all the families of the earth;

Hosea 6:³ Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”

So, when Genesis 4:1 says, “Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain,” it means so much more than he had sex with her.  It means he chose her, her knew her, he acknowledged her as his wife, he understood her and he’s concerned about her.  This is the kind of sex that God designed for a man and woman united in marriage.  Other kinds of sex besides one man and one woman in marriage are called immorality in the Bible, and God doesn’t use the word yada or its Greek equivalent for them. 

As the little girl in my story gets older, her Father gives her the choice:  “Have sex whenever it appeals to you and it’ll be a poor substitute for my best I have for you.  I want you to have a vision for what you can have in your marriage.  Hold out for marriage, and you get yada.  I don’t wanta hear you say, ‘I could have had a Corvette!’”

 

*This article was inspired by Focus on the Family broadcasts February 16 & 17, 2012 with author Dannah Gresh.  I’d highly recommend her book, What Are You Waiting For?  The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex for anyone raising daughters or anyone wanting to have Bible based discussions about sex.

**There is hope and help for those who have already chosen poorly and would like to get back on God’s plan for yada.  Focus on the Family is one place to go to find resources.  I went to focusonthfamily.com and found some helpful articles under their Marriage tab, especially the route to “sex and intimacy” and “The Overcoming Marriage” articles.  Biblical Christian counselors are also well equipped to help individuals and couples recover from sexual immorality and repair damaged marriages.  The thing to do is be brave and embrace a new vision for a marriage that is all God has designed it to be, and then take the steps to get there.  God is a God of second chances and the restored and repaired marriage can have much richness only found in such marriages.  Jesus said in Ludke 7:47, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”

I'm a Cast Member in the Cosmic Epic

I have a daughter that’s trying to break into screen writing and a friend who’s working to become the actor she believes God is calling her to be.  Another friend is working on her singing/song writing.  Yet another is refining her writing craft to be able to do excellent writing.  They all want to take the talents and desires God has given them to positively impact our culture.  In the 19^th and much of the 20^th centuries these occupations were thought to be best left to “worldly” artists.  It was thought that if Christians took up these artistic callings, they’d best be for the church and not the world.  As a result, many Christian’s  attempts ended up sounding preachy or out of touch with the real world.  Another result was that our culture was left to deteriorate to the lowest forms of “art” that are humanly possible.  I’m proud of these young women who are working hard to take back our culture. 

 

I say take back because God has a lot to say in the Bible about quality artistic work.  There are metaphors for sports enthusiasts, farmers, business managers, politicians, families and even fine and performing artists.  Ephesians 2:10 is a prime example.  “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (NLT)  I want to look into this verse in the Greek in which it was originally written to gain nuances we don’t get by looking only to the English.

 

Webster’s defines “masterpiece” as “a work done with extraordinary skill; especially : a supreme intellectual or artistic achievement.”  When I’ve asked groups what they know about masterpieces, I’ve gotten the following answers: 

            a one of a kind work

            something created by a recognized master

            something of great value

            it keeps its value over time

            people recognize its value when it’s displayed

            takes time and skill to create

These are pretty remarkable characteristics when we consider that God thinks of us as the masterpieces He created.

 

The Greek word that masterpiece is translated from is poiema.  The NIV translation of the Bible uses “workmanship.”  It does indeed mean something that is made or produced.  It is either a completed work or one in progress.  What I thought was interesting is that the one who performs this kind of work is poietes, a performer or poet.  So if God is the Divine Poet, we are the poetry that He has created.  That would make Him a performing artist and all the performing art we try to produce are just our attempts to copy Him.

 

The Greek word translated “created” in Ephesians is kitzo. It means to produce from nothing, regenerate or renew.  It also expresses to make or compose.  I take it to mean that when God regenerates a person who has chosen to follow Christ, He is composing a new life to be part of His composition from the old life that existed without purpose.  Second  Corinthians 5:17 & 18a say, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!  And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ.” (NLT)  When we belong to Christ, we join in the new composition God is turning into His masterpiece.

 

The “good things” or “good works” as the NIV translates come from the Greek word ergon.  This is a work or performance or even a miracle.  Philippians 1:6 says that this good work that we get to perform, originated with God and He will continue it until it’s complete.  “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (NLT)  What a privilege to be a co-creator with God as we find those good works that He created us anew to perform.   

 

In verses 8 & 9 of Ephesians 2, we see that all the good works we do are only possible because of the grace God gave us when we became His. “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.  Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”   Verse 10 completes the thought in our key verse, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”  We get to do the good works, but it’s only by His gift and design in our lives.

 

A final word about these good things God created us to perform is that they are a mark of a true and living faith we have in Christ.  James 2 makes it clear that the works we do are not the means to earn our salvation.  What they are is a sign that we are indeed partnering with our Divine Composer to perform the work He has created for us to do.   “¹⁴ What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions?... So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. ¹⁸ Now someone may argue, “Some people have faith; others have good deeds.” But I say, “How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.” … ²¹ Don’t you remember that our ancestor Abraham was shown to be right with God by his actions when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? ²² You see, his faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete…(W)e are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone…²⁶ Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.”  How gracious of God to allow us an avenue to express the living faith that lives within us.  This faith initiates the good things we perform out of a heart desiring to express our faith.

 

The truly unique thing about partnering with God in the good deeds He has for each of us is that He planned for them long ago.  The Greek word proetoimazo means to make ready beforehand.  It also carries the meaning of things foreordained for good and to bring glory to God.  It is difficult to fathom that there are things God has in mind for me to do that He planned long before I was born.  Psalm 139 tells us:

¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 ¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 ¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 ¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed. (NLT)

When this knitting together was going on in our mother’s wombs, God was creating his masterpiece to take the stage and perform the role God Himself was creating for each life. 

 

This is not a role I’m waiting on for someone to discover me. God already created me for it.  I want to discover my part in this poetry He has designed for me.  I’m paraphrasing Ephesians 2:10 as:

            God, the Master Poet, has written His Epic Work.  He designed me as a cast member with a role in His Work that only I could play.  Since He took such great care to so carefully design me, He calls me His masterpiece. He created me anew when I accepted Christ Jesus as my Savior with the desire to express my love for Him in special good works He made ready before I was born that will bring Him glory with my life.

 

(Special thanks to Spiros Zodhiates, Th.D. for the help with Greek from his The Complete Word Study Dictionary; 1992 by AMG International, Inc.  I am not proficient in Greek and can only rely on others to help me understand it.  I hope I’ve given a faithful rendering which helps enrich the meaning of the English translation of Scripture.)