forliberty--a brave heart's quest for freedom

Coming of Age, God's Way

During this election cycle we’ve heard and we will hear a lot about freedom.  It’s part of the American dream:  life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Ideas differ on what it means and what it will take for our country to be free.  A more personal aspect of freedom is maturing to the point of independent adulthood.  The “Coming of Age” genre is the vehicle for telling a person’s journey from childlike thinking and behavior to a more adult lifestyle. A significant part of my journey began with a CRUNCH.

Crunch… The sound of smashing car metal made a sickening sound as it filled the car I was driving alone.

It was the summer between my junior and senior years in high school.  Mom and Dad had taken my brother on a vacation to Canada.  I stayed home alone to work on my job as a secretary for our high school math department.

I felt like I was becoming so mature.  My parents trusted me on my own.  They even left me with the use of a car while they were gone.  It was pretty heady stuff, but I was soon to find the reality of all that independence carried with it a heavy dose of responsibility--the hated “r” word.

Dad’s birthday was coming up soon after the vacation.  Since he was out of town, it would be the perfect time for me to go across town to a sporting goods store to buy the gift I had in mind for him.

As I turned left off a busy street to the side road that led to the store, I had my accident.  The car in front of me had the nerve to stop for a pedestrian jay-walking in front of him!  I may have been following too closely, or couldn’t see because of the left turn, but I hit him.

Fortunately, no one was hurt and the other car was only dinged.  I looked at the front of my folk’s blue sedan.  It was badly smashed in.  I shook all over from the awful sound of crunching metal reverberating in my head. 

How was I ever going to tell my folks what I had done?  How would they react?  It was in the days before instant communication, so I wasn’t even sure I could get ahold of them.  It was one of those moments that you never think to prepare for beforehand, you don’t have any experience to draw on and you just have to figure it out as you go.  Kind of like what do you do first when a loved one dies?  You’ve never had this experience before. Your emotions are in turmoil.  There’s not a long time to learn something new, but it has to be dealt with.

When they got back from vacation, they made sure I was alright.  Then they helped me deal with the insurance claims and having the car fixed.  They had given me freedom in leaving me home alone with the car.  Now I had the responsibility of dealing with the consequences of my accident.  They continued to love me and even allowed me to continue to drive while helping me walk through the various steps. 

I learned a valuable lesson about the realities of living independently.  The freedom is great, but the responsibility is not always so fun.  I also learned to be much more careful while making left turns.

I think God teaches us spiritual lessons the same way.  He wants us to be strong and decisive while serving Him.  Just like a child, we don’t start out very well equipped on our own.  God allows us to make mistakes, even have what we might consider failures, so we can learn and grow.  He’s there loving and guiding us, yet He doesn’t shield us from consequences that will help us grow to more spiritual maturity. 

I like how The Message paraphrases James 1:2-4.  “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

Pressure from all sides can be a gift.  Just like my coming of age started with a “crunch,” my spiritual coming of age may be helped along with an unexpected challenge as well.  If I let the pressure change me to be more like Christ, it’s a gift.  If I let it paralyze me and withdraw from what the Lord is teaching me, the pressure is a burden. 

Freedom and maturity go hand in hand.  As mature adults or mature Christians we are never free to do whatever we want.  We’re free to do what’s right.  The crunches and pressures along the way teach us to rise to the challenge.  God loves us too much to let us stay in our self-centered infancy.  He wants us to grow to maturity and not be deficient in any way.  Then we can enjoy personal freedom with a Loving Father who walks us through all our challenges and has great plans for us as we partner with Him in the life He has for us.

Am I Ever Going to Be Good Enough?

Insecurity is a big issue for women in Jesus’ Church and I suspect for men, too.  We’ve heard so much teaching against being proud that we may have swung to what we feel is the opposite extreme.  Humility is the opposite of pride, but we may well confuse insecurity with humility.  Then there’s all the stuff we’ve done to know that we really aren’t worthy to be very important in The Church.  We know we’re saved by faith in Christ alone and we know He forgives our sins.  We’re just not sure we can forgive ourselves. We may feel if others in the church really knew what we’re like or where we’ve been, they wouldn’t forgive us either.

Our inadequacies show up when we compare ourselves with someone else.  This may have started in childhood when we felt pressure from our family to excel in grades or sports or music to win their approval.  We may have felt we need to be beautiful by the world’s standards or cool in order to feel liked by others.  Maybe it wasn’t just on a personal level that we didn’t feel we measured up.  Our family may not have had the money or lived in the “right” neighborhood to compete with others.  There may even have been a “family secret” that brought shame to the family and would have been devastating if it got out. 

I think all this comparison is a lie of the enemy to keep God’s kids from believing they’re of value to each other.  1 Corinthians 12:24-27 says, “So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity.  This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other.  If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.  All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.” (NLT)  We can’t try to be like someone else, or we will ruin the way the body is to function.  The very things from my past that I feel insecure about have shaped me into who I am now. 

I’m so grateful to God for telling us what we need to know in the Bible.  He doesn’t just leave us a bunch of rules to follow.  He shows us the heroes of our faith as they really are:  imperfect, deeply flawed in some cases, and totally in the right place to be used by God for His purposes. 

Moses was an old man, a murderer and not much of a speaker.  He thought his brother would be a better choice for God’s purposes.  Yet God used Moses to lead His people out of Egypt.  He spoke for God, spoke with God as no one else had, and received the Ten Commandments.

David became a lazy soldier, an adulterer and a murderer.  Surely God could have found someone better qualified to become the second king of Israel.  Yet, God called David a “man after God’s heart.”  He certainly had his troubles in life, yet his family line was the line through which God chose to bring His Son, Jesus, into the world.  His heartfelt Psalms have brought comfort and encouragement to sinful, discouraged souls just like him for millennia.

Rahab was a woman of ill repute and a non-Jew.  She made a deal to save some Israelites in exchange for the safety of her family because she feared the Hebrew God.  She was counted worthy to be mentioned in the lineage of Jesus as well.

Peter was a hot-tempered, foul-mouthed fisherman who denied His Lord three times.  Yet after he was reinstated and filled with the Holy Spirit, he preached and thousands of people came to the Lord.  He is called the rock on which Christ’s church is built and he left us some important books of the Bible.

The list goes on and on.  I doubt if you or I have done anything worse than many of the characters in the Bible.  If God was in the business of comparing people and using only those who seemed to be most perfect, He surely wouldn’t have chosen any of those characters would He?  Yet God has chosen to relate to humans in all of their imperfections.  He forgives those who honestly turn from sin.  He works through those who are willing to be used of Him—no excuses, no shame.  I think this is because it is and always has been all about God and not about the human instrument He uses.

God often has to let a person come to the end of himself/herself and realize they are totally dependent on God for anything good in their life.  Then God can enter into a personal relationship with that person, change their heart to love God back and allow them to cooperate with Him to take their part in the body of Christ.  The willingness of a changed heart is what allows a person to leave the ugliness of the past behind, know they’re loved by God and become useful to Him.

We can look at the lost son in Luke 15:1-32 or at Peter or David.  God welcomed them all back.  No one has to “clean up their act” before the Loving Father runs to embrace His lost child.  As with the lost son, we just need to come to our senses and tell God we’re tired of trying to make it on our own.  We may even have done this before and then slipped back again.  When we turn back to God, He’ll show us how much He has missed us and welcome us home again.

So, it is good to compare ourselves with others in some ways.  Not to see where we fail to measure up.  But look to see the faithfulness of God in other’s lives.  Then, we can each take joy in our new creation in Christ.  We can have confidence that He will use us in His body in the way He has planned.  We don’t need to hide behind insecurities or a less than perfect past.  I am good enough to take my part in God’s plans for me because I am His and His plans are always perfect.

Eucharisteo: God's Miracles in Thanks Giving

Eucharisteo is the Greek word meaning:  to give thanks.  It’s a verb, so an act of our will is involved.  We can choose to give thanks or to withhold it.  I’m learning to live thanks moment by moment by reading Ann Voskamp’s  One Thousand Gifts:  A Dare to LIVE FULLY Right Where You Are.  (Zondervan; 2010)  I’ve taken her dare and am on my way to recording my one thousand gifts from God.  She’s helping me change my perspective and open my eyes to see God’s miracles in my everyday life.  The page numbers and quotes from Ann in this post are from this book.

Ann says, “Eucharisteo always, always precedes the miracle.  Thanksgiving creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks –take the just one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks—and He miraculously makes it more than enough.”  (pg 72)  She’s referring to the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 men along with their women and children as told in John 6.  “Jesus said, ‘Have the people sit down.’ There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, ‘Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.’ So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.” (verses 10-13; NIV)  Just the few loaves and fish were miraculously transformed to abundance when Jesus gave thanks for them.

The biblical instructions and promises regarding thanksgiving are numerous.  Ephesians 5:20 says, “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18 instructs us to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  Though our circumstances may not seem good to us, we need to trust that nothing comes to us but that God has filtered it through His grace.  There are greater things in store than our comfort or pleasure.  Someone else may need to see God in our circumstance now or in the future.  Circumstances may be lining up for a great miracle of God.  If we can just look beyond our interpretation of feelings or events and give God thanks in the midst of it, we are in God’s will for us.

Even the very way we enter God’s presence is to be prepared with thanksgiving. “Enter his gates with thanksgiving  and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” (Psalm 100:4,5; NIV)  Remembering God’s character and thanking Him for His goodness, love and faithfulness  is the way to enter into His presence.

What are some of the miracles God may miraculously transform in our lives when we willfully give thanks in all circumstances?  At the heart of the word eucharisteo is another Greek word:  charis.  Strong’s dictionary says charis is: (a) grace, as a gift or blessing brought to man by Jesus Christ, (b) favor, (c) gratitude, thanks, (d) a favor, kindness.  Only in Jesus Christ can we know the kindness and favor and yes the blessing of God that is His grace.  Ann says, “We only enter into the full life if our faith gives thanks…Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives.  Thanksgiving is the manifestation of our Yes! to His grace.”  (pg. 39)

John 1 tells us, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” (verses 14 & 16; ESV)  Giving thanks for every gift God gives me multiplies His grace upon grace in my life. When I choose to see and accept what He gives me, I can’t help but be thankful.   I can’t imagine how it would be to try to live without His blessing.  Even if I don’t understand some of His gifts or wouldn’t call them good, the Bible tells me to give thanks because I trust Him to be full of grace and truth. 

Another miracle multiplied by eucharisteo is joy.  There are of course many references to joy in the Bible. (The NIV translates 242.)   Ann says, “Thanks is what multiplies the joy and makes any life large, and I hunger for it.”  (pg 48)  Psalm 16:11 says, ^“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (ESV)  We’ve already seen that the way to enter His presence is with thanksgiving (Psalm 100:4).  His presence is where the fullness of joy rests.  I hunger for that, too.  Joy isn’t just for the happy times when everything seems to be going well.   Psalm 94:19 tells us, “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”  Even when circumstances fill us with anxiety, the comfort of God brings the miracle of joy in the midst of those circumstances.

Romans 15:13 transitions to the next miracle.  “ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (NIV)  Peace is not easily found in our world—either inner peace or peace with our neighbor.  Trusting to do things God’s way is how the God of hope will fill us with His peace.  He instructs is in Philippians 4: 6,7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Again, I have the choice in my circumstances.  I can be anxious, or I can choose eucharisteo.  I can look for God’s gift, His grace, in my circumstance, and I give Him thanks along with my request.  Then His peace will guard my heart and mind.  Like the bumper sticker says, “No God:  No Peace.  Know God:  Know Peace.”  It seems to me that if we want peace, we have to come to eucharisteo.  I’ve practiced this in my prayers for years, and I can say it works for me.  There’s always something to give thanks about.  As Ann says, “Don’t I always have the choice to be fully attentive?   ‘Where you are, be all there’ is only possible in the posture of eucharisteo.  I want to slow down and taste life, give thanks, and see God.” (pg 77)

To see God as He really is, is to experience the fourth miracle.  Ann says, “there is no real reality, no full life, outside of the relationship with Love, because God Himself wraps Himself eternally in relationship:  God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit existing in relationship, an encircling dance of communion sweetest.  God is love—everywhere! everything!” (pg 212)  This is what makes being a follower of Jesus different than any other religion in the world.  We followers are not religious.  That is we don’t follow a set of rules and behaviors in hopes of finding God’s favor.  He tells His people in Isaiah 43:4 that “ you are precious and honored in my sight, and … I love you.” (NIV)  Instead of rule following, we have an intimate relationship with Him who defines Himself as Love. (1 John 4:8)  Love is the One who tells us, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” (Jeremiah 31:3)  That’s a miracle of abundance:  everlasting love.  To know I am loved by God causes me to trust Him and follow Him with my life.  And, it causes me to respond with eucharisteo.

“God is always good and I am always loved.  Everything is eucharisteo. Because eucharisteo is how Jesus, at the Last Supper, showed us to transfigure all things—take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness…The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because His is all good.” (pg. 100)  Whether my gift is painful, beautiful, scarce, abundant, practical or to enjoy, when I thank God for His grace, I see His miracles and He receives the glory.

You can read Ann Voskamp’s blog on her website:  http//:www.aholyexperience.com.

What I'm Wearing for Halloween

On October 31 a lot of people will put on costumes.  Some will be adorable like the lady bug Heather’s little girl will become or our pumpkin Amanda.

Others will indicate what kids want to be when they grow up like a doctor or astronaut.  Some will be historical or fictional characters like Disney princesses or our Native American Allison. 

All these be-costumed kids at heart will go trick-or-treating or to parties.  Our church is having a “Trunk or Treat” event to bless the children in our church and community. We think it's so much better than leaving the night to those who would glorify the darkness of the world we live in. The night can be celebrated in innocence, and just to enjoy a night for the kids to dress up and get special treats from friends and neighbors.

 

The costumes I won’t like will be scary and/or evil.  Some people wear them and go out to cause mischief and mayhem.  I don’t really go in for this kind of celebration as a night that gives evil permission to come out and frolic with ordinary folks.   What I object to is calling evil good and making light of dark spiritual forces.  So, you won’t see me donning a costume and celebrating.  But I will need to put on some unusual sounding duds for the evening.

 

In Romans 13:14 we’re told to clothe ourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ.  I was wondering this week what it would feel like to have Jesus cover my body like a garment, so I started to search the Scriptures to see if I could get a more concrete idea. 

 

Isaiah 61:10 says, “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God.  For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”(NIV)  I can picture what a bridegroom or bride looks like adorned in their wedding finery.  They would have on their most special clothes.  They’d be clean and well pressed.  The most priceless jewels would come out to be worn on their big day.  Even the garments would be ornamented with jewels or lace.  These wedding clothes are put on in love and respect for their beloved.  They’re worn with great anticipation as family and friends gather together to celebrate the couple’s union and the joy they all feel.  Is this how I “wear” my salvation? 

 

I delight greatly in the Lord as I realize how priceless my salvation is to me and to Him.  I do hold the fact that I now have right standing with God through the forgiveness of my sins that Jesus bought for me as the most precious thing in my life.  This right standing with God is called a robe of righteousness.  In myself, there’s no way I can be good enough to earn my salvation.  But, when I accept what Jesus has done for me and receive His salvation, He puts righteousness on me like a robe.  I wear it in deepest respect and love for Him and I am filled with joy.  I eagerly anticipate what my life here on earth will be like with Him and then I get to live with Him forever in heaven.  My soul rejoices in MY God.

 

Another passage that tells me how to wear the Lord Jesus is found in Colossians 3:12-15.  “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” (NLT)  I have to work to clothe myself with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  None of these come natural to me.  As I pray and ask the Lord to help me grow in these areas, it’s like putting on new clothes.  The old, automatic, selfish reactions to people and circumstances are slowly being replaced with my new self.  I find it challenging that it says, “above all, clothe yourselves with love.”  Our love garment to wear above all is the agape kind of love spoken of in the Bible.  It’s an act of the will, a choice that takes great joy in looking out for the best good of another.  Agape is about as far from my natural, self-centered nature as possible.  It’s a new outfit that I certainly need to put on to cover my old rags.

 

Romans 13:11-14  tells about getting rid of my old rags. “This is all the more urgent, for you know how late it is; time is running out. Wake up, for our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is almost gone; the day of salvation will soon be here. So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living. Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires.” (NLT)  This passage gives me a little more insight into what it is like to clothe myself with the Lord Jesus Christ.  I do it by being constantly aware of His presence in my life.  There’s never a time He leaves me, but there could be times I’m not aware of His presence.  As I constantly put away my own evil desires and deeds, I’m ridding myself of my old dirty clothes.  As I ask the Holy Spirit to constantly fill me with a sense of His presence, I’m putting on my new clothes.  It’s interesting that peace and thankfulness follow when we put on the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

Over all these clothes, I need to put on the shining armor of right living.  Ephesians 6:10-18 tells me how to put on this spiritual armor. “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” (NIV)

 

I’m going to have the right costume for Halloween and every day as I get rid of all my old, selfish thoughts and plans and put on the clothes God has for me to live a joyous, satisfying and protected life.  Salvation, righteousness, tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and especially love topped off with the spiritual armor are more than a costume.  They’re how I dwell in the presence of the Lord Jesus and “wear” Him like a garment.

What's Written on Your Heart?

It’s one thing to be trained to do what’s right.  It’s another thing entirely to want to do right and to do so even when no one else will find out.   This statement, of course, presupposes that there is a right and wrong, and that we can know which is which.  I’m going to make the assumption that what the Bible teaches as right and true is actually right and true.  How I go from knowing right to choosing to want to do right is a matter of developing and paying attention to a godly conscience.

One important incident in the development of my conscience happened the Christmas I was eight.  My friend Carol and I had asked for matching antebellum dolls for Christmas.  We spent hours fantasizing on how we would play together with those dolls.

I couldn’t wait for Christmas to see if I’d actually get what I wished for.  One day when my mom was busy doing laundry in the basement, my curiosity couldn’t stand any more waiting.  I snuck into her room.  I knew she always hid gifts in her closet.  I searched the closet, but found nothing that looked like it could be my doll.  “The bed.  Maybe she hid it under the bed.”  Sure enough.  In an unwrapped box lay the doll of my dreams.  It was true.  Carol and I really were going to have those matching dolls!

My mom is an expert detective.  She always knows if someone has been in a room in her house.  The slightest item out of place always gives the intruder away.  I think she must have known I was scrounging around in her room.  However, neither she nor Dad ever said anything about it.

“Oh, she’s so beautiful!”  I tried to sound surprised and excited on Christmas Eve as I opened my new doll.  The truth was, I had a terrible feeling in my stomach.  I discovered that it’s no fun to find out what your gifts are ahead of time.  I didn’t like the fact that I’d been a sneak, and now had to lie to cover it up.  I made up my mind never to sneak into my parent’s room again.  I never did.

No amount of punishment inflicted by my parents would have been nearly as effective in changing my behavior as was the development of my own conscience.  I knew I had done wrong, and I didn’t like the guilt I felt.  It kept me from even considering doing the same thing again.

Of course there are larger adult sins that rightfully leave us feeling guilty.  The solution isn’t just to ignore the guilt and purpose never to do the deed again.  When we confess to God, and any humans we’ve wronged if necessary, He gives forgiveness.  Jeremiah 31:33 and 34 says, “But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day,” says the Lord. “I will put my instructions deep within them, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.  And they will not need to teach their neighbors, nor will they need to teach their relatives, saying, ‘You should know the Lord.’ For everyone, from the least to the greatest, will know me already,” says the Lord. “And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.”  We live in that new covenant age because Jesus paid for all our sins.  When they are confessed, God remembers our sins no more.

God even goes one better.  He puts His instructions deep within us and writes them on our hearts.  We’re not left to guess what pleases God in any circumstance.  His Bible tells us all we need to know, and the Holy Spirit is what speaks to our hearts to remind us what is true.  Some may have never read the Bible, but they were created by God to KNOW what is right. “Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right.”(Romans 2:14 & 15; NLT)

The question is, what do we as individuals do when our own consciences start accusing us?  If we respond to our guilt by rationalizing, “everybody does it,” or “it’s no big deal,” we stuff our guilty feelings inside and ignore them.  It will take more and more serious offenses against God’s standards to produce feelings of guilt in the future.  If the guilt keeps being stuffed, we end up with a seared conscience that does not serve us well.  Titus 1:15 and 16 is pretty blunt.  “Everything is pure to those whose hearts are pure. But nothing is pure to those who are corrupt and unbelieving, because their minds and consciences are corrupted.  Such people claim they know God, but they deny him by the way they live. They are detestable and disobedient, worthless for doing anything good.”

Such people may enjoy their way of life and not desire to seek to change.  Others go spiraling down a destructive path one small step at a time.  Others, may not know that they can seek and experience forgiveness and have the opportunity to start over clean.  The rationale goes something like:  “I’ve already lost my virginity (for example).  There’s nothing I can do about it so I might as well keep ignoring my conscience and take my actions to the next level.”  These people feel they are bad because they behave badly.  They’ve lost hope that they can experience God’s forgiveness. They illustrate 1 Timothy 1:19a, “For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked.”

How do you recover when you feel your faith has been shipwrecked?  The only way to start is found in Hebrews 10:22: “let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water.”  “Coming clean’” in God’s presence, asking Jesus to cover our sins with His blood (That means that Jesus’ shed blood on the cross is the only sacrifice acceptable to God for our sins.  When we admit this, His blood “covers” our sins.) and then trusting that He really has made us clean gives us the privilege of starting over with our faith intact. 

We don’t need to live feeling condemned. “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.” (Romans 8:1,2; NLT)  If you’re having trouble feeling forgiven, even when you know it’s true, I’d encourage you to memorize these verses and tell them to yourself over and over whenever you’re feeling condemned.  Eventually the truth from your head will sink into your heart, and you can be grateful for your “start over.”

The next step after forgiveness in the start over process is to re-train the conscience.  Proverbs 3 is a wonderful poem of instructions to us.  Verses 1-4 say:

¹ My son, do not forget my teaching,
   but keep my commands in your heart,
² for they will prolong your life many years
   and bring you peace and prosperity.

³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
   bind them around your neck,
   write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴ Then you will win favor and a good name
   in the sight of God and man.

Peace of mind is possible if we write God’s teachings on our heart and respond when our consciences give us a warning.  The more we are able to respond correctly to our consciences by choosing what’s right even when no one is looking, the more we will be able to enjoy our good name in the sight of God and man.  I had the following verse as my vision statement all the years I was teaching.  I intend to see that it’s written permanently on my heart as well.

 

“The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.”  (1 Timothy 1:5)

 

Confident Hope

There are 181 times the NIV Bible translates into English the various forms of the word “hope.”  I have every one highlighted in my Bible. I love coming across them when I’m reading.  No matter how I feel, hope is always a welcome companion.

 

The first reference to hope is in Ruth 1:12.  This is a picture of a woman who has lost all hope.  “Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— ¹³ would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the LORD’s hand has turned against me!” I confess to having some of Naomi’s feelings recently.  I don’t feel the Lord’s hand has turned against me, but I’ve been overwhelmed and temporarily lost a tight grip on hope.  In preparing for teaching the women at our local women’s prison last week, God sweetly restored my hope and gave me an optimistic attitude.  I think there are others out there who have lost their grip on hope, so I wanted to share what I learned.  

 

It started with looking in the Bible at the illustration of Peter walking on the water to Jesus.  Talk about a walk of faith.  What would it take to climb out of a boat in the midst of a storm at night and attempt to walk across the water?  As was so often the case with Peter before the Holy Spirit got ahold of him at Pentecost, he made an impetuous and faith filled move, that was somewhat short lived.  Matthew 14 tells of Jesus having stayed behind to pray after feeding the 5000.  He sent the disciples on ahead to cross the sea, then came walking on the water to join them in the middle of the night.  They were, of course, frightened to see Him walking toward them on the water.  Verse 27 picks up the story.  “But Jesus spoke to them at once. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he said. ‘Take courage. I am here!’

 ²⁸ “Then Peter called to him, ‘Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.’

 ²⁹ “‘Yes, come,’ Jesus said.

“So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. ‘Save me, Lord!’ he shouted.

 ³¹ “Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. ‘You have so little faith,’ Jesus said. ‘Why did you doubt me?’

 ³² “When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. ³³ Then the disciples worshiped him. ‘You really are the Son of God!’ they exclaimed.”

What’s the remedy for the fear Peter experienced? Jesus said it was faith and trusting Him.  I want to talk about the part hope plays in our faith and trust.  Biblical hope is different from worldly hope.  If someone says, “I hope I get a new car,” they don’t necessarily know whether they will get the car or not. It’s wishful thinking.  Biblical hope is a knowing, because we know Who loves us and always has our best interest at heart.  Romans 5:5 says, “And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”  (NLT)

Peter took his eyes off Jesus and saw the waves and storm and knew he was sunk.  If he had been confident in his hope of who Jesus was, it wouldn’t have been an issue.  Hope keeps our minds focused on Jesus not the storm raging around us.

My life verse reminds me that I can’t just conjure up this kind of hope.  I’ve said this verse dozens of times and have it memorized.  But I forgot.  Romans 15:13 says, “ I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (NLT)  I see from this verse that God is the source of hope.  It’s his desire to fill me with joy and peace.  Who doesn’t want to be filled with joy and peace, no matter the circumstances?  I certainly do.  The Holy Spirit is able to not just give me a miniscule amount of hope, but enough to overflow and  splash onto someone else nearby.  My part?  I need to trust Him. 

It sounds easy to say, “Just trust the Lord.”  But how do I do that?  Is trust a feeling that needs to be present, or is it something else?  If it’s a feeling, then I’m doomed, just like I was recently when I was overwhelmed.  If it’s something else, how to I grab onto trust and stop looking at the storm all around me?

I think of the 12 of the spies who were sent out to do recon on the Promised Land before the Israelites entered in.  They all saw the same circumstances.  Their reports of what those circumstances meant were quite different.  Ten saw the difficulties.  Two knew God was with them and they could conquer every place He was leading them.  The story is retold from the events of Numbers 13 in Deuteronomy 1 starting in verse 20.

“ ‘You have now reached the hill country of the Amorites that the Lord our God is giving us. ²¹ Look! He has placed the land in front of you. Go and occupy it as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, has promised you. Don’t be afraid! Don’t be discouraged!’

 ²² “But you all came to me and said, ‘First, let’s send out scouts to explore the land for us. They will advise us on the best route to take and which towns we should enter.’

 ²³ “This seemed like a good idea to me, so I chose twelve scouts, one from each of your tribes. ²⁴ They headed for the hill country and came to the valley of Eshcol and explored it. ²⁵ They picked some of its fruit and brought it back to us. And they reported, ‘The land the Lord our God has given us is indeed a good land.’

 ²⁶ “But you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God and refused to go in. ²⁷ You complained in your tents and said, ‘The Lord must hate us. That’s why he has brought us here from Egypt—to hand us over to the Amorites to be slaughtered. ²⁸ Where can we go? Our brothers have demoralized us with their report. They tell us, “The people of the land are taller and more powerful than we are, and their towns are large, with walls rising high into the sky! We even saw giants there—the descendants of Anak!”’

 ²⁹ “But I said to you, ‘Don’t be shocked or afraid of them! ³⁰ The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw him do in Egypt. ³¹ And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place.’

 ³² “But even after all he did, you refused to trust the Lord your God, ³³ who goes before you looking for the best places to camp, guiding you with a pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day.” (NLT)

Are we like the 10 who demoralized the entire nation, or like Caleb and Joshua who trusted the Lord even though they saw it would be difficult to occupy the land where the Lord was calling them?  Do we lose heart or take heart?  It all depends on how well we apply this pivotal principle in maintaining our trust and hope: We are responsible to take control of our minds.

Joshua and Caleb knew and believed the principle of Philippians 4:13.  “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”  (NLT) We can do everything God call us to do, because He will give us the strength.  When we let our minds dwell on the obstacles, fears and seeming impossibility of the task, we become demoralized and quit.  When we remember God and His strength available to us, we become optimistic and face the task confident in His abilities.  Joshua and Caleb did take control of their minds and thought of the good land, His gracious guidance to get there and the slavery He released them from in Egypt.  They eventually got to enter the Promised Land, but it would be another forty years until all those who couldn’t take their minds captive and trust the Lord died off.

This kind of optimism is kept by constantly keeping our minds focused on the things of God.  I don’t have to think every thought that comes into my mind.  I can reject false and fearful thoughts, and replace them with true and hopeful thoughts.  Fortunately, the Bible tells us how to do that.  Philippians 4: 8 & 9 says, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (NLT) Again, God will give us His peace when we do things according to His instructions.  As the verse mentions, it takes practice.  I was off my game a little recently, and allowed my focus to get off of hope and onto fear.  I’m back in the game this week.

Romans 12:2 is another reminder to cling to hope.  “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”  I can trust God to even change the way I think.  My part again, is to reject those false and fearful thoughts, and think about the true and hopeful things.  Even in a hard time, there are hopeful things to think about that line up with God’s will and what He is doing in the midst of our circumstances.

I want to close with another of the 181 references to hope.  “Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.”  (Hebrews 10:23; NIV)  I’ve got a renewed grip on hope now, and I want to keep holding on tightly.

Confessions of a Recovering Control-Freak

“Hurry up Bethie!  We’re going to go see Mommy.”

Grandma and Grandpa Fischer had come to help us celebrate my second birthday.  After the family had sung “Happy Birthday” to me and we had eaten our cake, Dad took Mom to the hospital.  My baby brother, Jerry, was born early the next morning.

Grandma had been trying to help me get dressed all afternoon.  To each of her offers of help, I’d stubbornly replied, “DO IT MYSELF!”  Now, she was worried we’d completely miss visiting hours at the hospital.  I finally got my dress and shoes and socks on.  My hair never did get combed before we had to leave for the hospital.

“Now you need to wait here to see your mommy,” the nurse patiently explained to me.  That was back in the days before natural childbirth.  Husbands waited in a separate room for news of the delivery, and children under age sixteen weren’t even allowed in the maternity ward.

“See this line on the floor?”  The nurse pointed to where the linoleum pattern changed.  “You may come to this line, BUT NO FARTHER, to wait for your mommy.”

After the nurse turned to walk away, I walked right up to the line.  I looked left, then right, to be sure she wasn’t watching me.  I then stuck one toe over the line just to show everyone that I was in charge.  I’ve been a recovering control-freak ever since.

My parents faced the challenge of taking my naturally strong-willed tendencies and shaping my character to be strong-willed for righteousness.  They somehow knew the principle of “discipline with love,” described by Dr. James Dobson in his book The Strong-Willed Child.  (Wheaton, IL; Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.; 1978; pg. 112)  It is “a reasonable introduction to responsibility and self-control, parental leadership with a minimum of anger, respect for the dignity and worth of the child, realistic boundaries that are enforced with confident firmness, and a judicious use of rewards and punishment to those who challenge and resist.  It is a system that bears the approval of the Creator Himself.”

Proverbs 3:11&12 puts it this way:  “My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” (NLT)  When a father loves his child and takes delight in her, it’s his privilege and responsibility to correct and train her.  This is discipline—making a disciple who knows what is right and does it.

I don’t think disciple making is intuitive for parents.  My dad had been harshly punished for disobedience as a child.  He remembers several occasions of being taken to the wood shed and spanked by his dad.  Once, when he was four, Dad had been playing with matches and set his family’s winter supply of wood on fire.  His dad punished him by building a small fire and holding Jerry over it until he got good and warm.  We would consider that harsh, frightening and abusive punishment today.

That was the only example Dad had to follow.  His dad had certainly gotten his attention with strong punishment.  It’s not likely that he ever repeated any of those wrongs for which he was beaten.  Dad didn’t have the advantage of reading any Christian parenting books either.  They weren’t available then.  I think he knew, though, that a more moderate approach would be more appropriate.

I do remember being spanked with Dad’s belt a few times when I was young.  My mom says that after a few times, Dad would just look at me as if the belt would come off if I didn’t shape up.  That was enough for me to exercise self-control and behave, and send me to my room in tears in my early teen years.

As an adult student of child development, I’ve come to see that appropriate spanking is one tool a parent may use in disciplining.  When I say appropriate, I mean never in anger, only for willful misbehavior and with reconciliation and loving hugs afterward.  If a parent allows a child’s misbehavior to escalate until the parent becomes angry, the spanking to follow may well become abusive.  That kind of lashing out at the child leads to fear of the parent.  The behavior may change, but only because of fear.  There is no heart change.  Spanking is not the only tool to use. Logical consequences are often sufficient when the connection is made for the child. A time-out to consider what was done or to cool down is often effective also. Rewards are often a good incentive to help shape desired behaviors, too. When the parent disciplines out of love and delight in the child, the child has the best hope of changing behavior and learning self-control. That’s how God deals with us.

Real discipline deals quickly with wrong actions or attitudes.   Both parent and child are then free to start over with the past forgiven and forgotten.  Consequences may have to be paid, such a paying for a broken window or cleaning up a mess, but the guilt is over.  Parental blow-ups on the other hand can leave long-lasting scars and bitterness.  David left us a beautiful description of how God deals in us in Psalm 51: ^7” Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;  wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. ⁸ Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice. ⁹ Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt.  ¹⁰Create in me a clean heart, O God.  Renew a loyal spirit within me.¹¹ Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.” (NLT)  Once we are disciplined (broken), God restores our joy and we’re secure in His presence.

A perfect father wants his child to know right from wrong and develop the self-control to choose what is right.  Without a parent to stop him, a child may keep pushing and pushing, hoping someone will love him enough to keep him from doing what he knows is wrong.  It’s love that disciplines a child.  The properly disciplined child can have confidence to face the future knowing he/she has the self-control needed to face challenges and do what’s right. 

My mom says I was strong-willed before the term was even invented.  Dr. Dobson wrote his book by that title when my children were young and I needed his wisdom.  My grandchildren are strong-willed, and I rather suspect my dad is too.  (Who am I kidding?  He definitely started the heritage.)  I’m grateful that self-control is part of the Fruit of God’s Spirit that grows in our lives as followers of Jesus.  I don’t want to grow up to be that control freak two year old always having to prove that it’s my way or the wrong way. I’m grateful my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father love me enough to discipline me because of their delight in me.

 

^“As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?  If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.  Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever? For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”                 (Hebrews 12:7-11; NLT)

        

 

Earn It

“Earn it.”  Chuck Colson concludes his Doing The Right Thing* video series on ethics with the famous line from “Saving Private Ryan.”  It reminds me of the series I’m posting in my blog on “The Heritage.”  We all have a heritage, and we all leave a heritage.  Our lives are privileged to rest on the history of those who have gone before.  How we live matters to those coming after us.  We’re not just a lone individual living life for our own pleasure. 

 

My heritage became meaningful to me years ago when my dad said to me, “It’s your heritage.” I knew at the time that those were profound words and I had to stop and do some thinking about what they meant.  I thought of my earthly heritage and the heavenly heritage I have to look forward to as a child of God.  Dad defines heritage as “to be loving of family and to share the blessings that God has given us with them.”  That’s the earthly heritage he has always shared with me. (see 7.22.10 post)

 

It started out in childhood.  I remember the day we brought the weeping willow tree home in Dad’s “tomato soup red” pickup.  We planted it in the backyard near the garden.  My brother and I could hardly wait for it to grow strong enough for us to climb.  Eventually it was not only strong enough t climb, but also my dad and brother built a tree house in it.  It wasn’t anything fancy, really, just some old lumber nailed together to make a platform for us to sit on.

 

I used to spend hours up there, dreaming the dreams of childhood.  The biographies I read in that treehouse fueled my imagination.  What would it have been like to be a pioneer?  How brave our early statesmen were to forge a new country!  We were just beginning to explore space.  Would someone really walk on the moon someday?  Would I?  What was I going to do when I grew up?  I already knew I wanted my life to count for something significant like my heroes from the books I read.  My parents encouraged me to dream big and go for my dreams.

 

The garden was also a special place for us as children.  When the corn got tall enough, we would play hide-or-seek in it.  My brother and I would hide in the evenings, and Dad would come out to find us.  There’s nothing like a game of hide-or-seek by moonlight!  Those carefree days come back to my memory every time I go into a field to pick fresh corn.  We’ve planted a big patch of corn this year and hope to pass on all the great garden traditions to our granddaughters.

 

Other evenings the three of us would go for bike rides.  (Mom was a stay home mom, and I think she enjoyed the time alone in the evenings when Dad would play with us.)  We didn’t live too far from a little creek that wove through the country-side.  We used to like to ride to it and dream of fishing.  Other times we would ride to a nearby shopping center.  We’d window shop and buy some bubble gum to chew on the way home.  We took turns playing follow the leader as we rode home.

 

I loved being a kid!

 

I realize stories like mine can seem idyllic, and even be depressing if you didn’t have such a carefree childhood.  Many kids have to grow up too quickly as they take on adult responsibilities for the functioning of their home.  This may be because of having only a single parent, or having neglectful or abusive parents.  Many children lose their innocence when they are sexually abused.  They feel something is wrong with them or the adults wouldn’t be treating them this way.  They live in constant fear of when the next episode will happen.  Other kids grow up in dangerous neighborhoods or have parents who are too busy for the children to be safe and free in play. 

 

For whatever reason, many people grow up as “adult children.”  They can’t think about living a meaningful life and leaving a heritage for those who come after because they never grew past important developmental markers of childhood.  If that’s you, it may be helpful to give yourself permission for some carefree “play” experiences now that you know there was nothing wrong with the child your were.  It was the adults in your life that robbed your childhood from you.  You don’t have to bounce around as a confused and depressed adult.

 

I taught Interior Design in high school and middle school for a couple of years.  Each term began with a simple assignment.  I would bring in paint shirts, large pieces of paper and finger paint.  My great big teenage students would finger pain like preschoolers.  I felt that to be truly creative, my students needed permission to be uninhibited by properness and expected “coolness.”  They had to know what it felt like to express themselves freely before they would be able to be creatively expressive with design elements.

 

I want to give you permission to be a little uninhibited and expressive, too.  If it makes you feel better, take a real child along with you to “share” the experience.  Then do some of the things you always wished you had done as a child.  Climb a tree, fly a kite, play on all the equipment in the park, or finger-paint.  (Have you ever used pudding to finger paint?  My granddaughters thought it was delicious!!!)

 

I’m not suggesting you become like Peter Pan and deny having to grow up.  It may help you to truly grow up and get on with living those big dreams to temporarily let go of the years of always having to play the adult role.  You don’t always have to be the most responsible person around.  Try to occasionally be free from the adult responsibilities you have carried for so many years.  Relax and be yourself.  You will probably find, as my students did, that some occasions of spontaneity will improve your adult creativity and give new joy to your efforts.  Your childhood may have been robbed from you, but you can reclaim the carefree feelings occasionally. 

 

It may help you to recover from a lost childhood by periodically doing something you would have really enjoyed as a child.  Take the time you need to begin to enjoy childlike pleasures.  It may just help you open up a whole new side of yourself that you have never known.  It may give you new vision to pursue your dreams, live a meaningful life and leave a heritage for those who come after you.

 

When Private Ryan was told to earn the gift of life he was given, it meant to make something meaningful of his life so the sacrifice would be worth it.  It didn’t mean any of us can do anything to earn the gift of new life Jesus gives to us.  Jesus Himself was asked what could be done to earn eternal life.  His answer in John 6:29 was, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”  As we believe Jesus Christ is absolutely sufficient for every circumstance, we do the work God asks of us and make His sacrifice worth it.  He’s able to assure us of His love for us no matter where we’ve come from. He’s able to forgive all our sins, and the sins against us so we can start a new life free from the past.  He’s able to give us a dream big enough to fulfill His purpose for our lives.  He’s able to empower us to do whatever He calls us to do.  Now that’s the heritage I want to walk in now and leave for those coming after me.

 

 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” (Hebrews 12:1 & 2; NLT)

 

*DVD series Doing the Right Thing; 2011; BreakPoint Inc.; www.doingtherightthing.com.  This is a great 6 session series where a panel of Christian thinkers discus ethical and moral implications for our culture.  I strongly recommend all Christians view it. 

Is it a Boy or a Girl?

Have you ever heard of a gender neutral baby?  (I know there are genetic defects, but I’m not talking about those rare cases.)  I read a news story last week of a Canadian couple who had a baby they named “Storm.”  They decided to keep Storm’s gender private from all their friends and family so that when Storm grows up he/she will be free to choose the gender it feels it should have been born with.  I’m assuming sex change operations may or may not be required at that point.  I’m also assuming the strategy will get increasing difficult as dress, hair style and modesty issues arise. The person writing the article didn’t have any problem with the child choosing its own gender.  The author said that the danger for this child would be that it wouldn’t be able to identify with either gender if it was brought up completely neutral.  I didn’t agree the child should choose its own gender, but the article shouted out to me how confused our society has become over gender issues. 

 

Contrast these parent’s reaction with parents throughout the millennia.  Up until recent technological advancements, the first statement made when a child was delivered was, “It’s a BOY,” or “It’s a GIRL.”  Even now, whenever a couple announces their pregnancy, the first question asked is, “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl or are you going to find out?”  Gender differences have always been important because God created the genders separately and we innately know it. 

Not only did He create the genders to be different, He created them to represent His character.  God has both masculine and feminine traits.  He created male and female to bear His image and to share the blessings He has for them. “Then God said,  ‘Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.’ So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them and said, ‘Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.’” (Genesis 1: 26-28; NLT).  The first words in the text after “male and female he created them” are “Then God blessed them.”  It is a blessing of God to be distinctly male or distinctly female.

My dad was instrumental in helping me develop my identity as distinctly female.  In a previous post I told how he had flowers delivered to my mom and me for our Mother-Daughter Tea.  Dad brought flowers to me himself on the occasion of our Father-Daughter Banquet.  The card accompanying the beautiful red rose corsage read:  “I’m proud to be your dad.”  I had a wonderful time the night of the banquet as just Dad and I went out to the special dinner.  He opened the door for me to get into and out of the car and again as we went in to dinner.  We held hands as we walked and talked.  I felt truly cherished by my dad.

I hadn’t had any real dates in high school.  I never went to the school dances.  Occasionally I would be invited to a party, but I never felt comfortable at them with the drinking, dancing and pairing up that inevitably went on.  All I knew about being with men was what I knew about spending time with my dad.  I knew I wanted to marry a guy just like him.  I would have skills and abilities to bring to our marriage.  He would have his own talents.  We would be a team together accomplishing much more than either could individually.  He would make me feel feminine and I would make him feel masculine.  This was my dream and I held out for it until the right guy came along.

A dad’s encouragement turns out to be crucial in gender identification.  Dads teach girls to feel cherished, protected, competent and very feminine.  They teach boys to think and feel like a man.  Each needs to get appropriate gender related information if a father is absent when the child is growing up.

Our society can’t provide the proper feedback to either boys or girls.  We’re having a sexual identity crisis.  Feminists have pretty much succeeded in their agenda to emasculate men and liberate women to defend their rights to their own bodies.  Homosexuals accuse those with traditional ideas of masculinity and femininity of being “homophobes.”  It seems everyone is confused and leery of defending God's design. 

Confusion is almost a definition of adolescence and gender confusion is normal at this stage of development.  Adolescents are confused about who God is, confused about what they want to be when they grow up, confused if they want to follow the standards their parents have been setting, and many are confused about their sexuality.  It is wrong to take advantage of that confusion and urge an adolescent to experiment with the homosexual life-style to see if he/she is actually a homosexual.  The responsible adult reaction to adolescent confusion is to empathize and offer facts, insight, positive role models and support to the teen as he/she attempts to find the truth.  It never pays to encourage a child to take the most destructive path and see if that works out. 

I think there is so much confusion because there is a wide range of what is normal masculinity and normal femininity.  I don’t know what  makes others feel so different from everyone else as an adolescent.  For me it was my large size, thick glasses and lack of coordination and shyness.  I could never fit into a glamour mold, nor an athletic mold, nor any other role that the media glorifies as uber feminine.  All I know is that most adolescents feel inferior to everyone else and especially inferior to media portrayals of ideal. I’m grateful I had a dad to appreciate my developing sexuality in a way that helped me grow out of my confusion and feelings of inferiority and into the woman God created me to be. 

If you struggle with your gender identity, you can be re-parented.  God is our perfect parent, and as always, He has a lot to say on the subject.  The following are some Bible passages that deal with God’s plan for the sexes:  Genesis 2:18-25, Proverbs 31:10-31, Galatians 3:28-29, Ephesians 5:21-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Timothy 3:1-13 and Titus 2:1-8.  From these passages we can see that neither maleness nor femaleness is superior to the other.  Both are highly prized in God’s sight and have important roles to play.  We can grow out of our adolescent confusion if we see things from God’s point of view rather than society’s. 

Is it a boy or a girl?  God had it figured out from the moment He created the individual.  If we can agree with His design we’ll come to a peaceful acceptance of our maleness or femaleness.  

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
 Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

(Psalm 139:13-17a; NLT)

This is Dedicated to The One I Love: Jesus Lover of My Soul

Jesus told a story in Matthew 25 of ten virgins waiting for the bridegroom to appear for His wedding.  It was supposed to be an illustration for us as we, His Church, waiting for His second coming when He’ll take us to heaven to live with Him forever.  It’ll help us appreciate this time we’re here on earth if we understand what Jesus’ audience would have known, being familiar with Jewish wedding traditions.  Our groom is very Jewish after all. The Bible speaks over and over of Jesus as the Royal Bridegroom, and His Church is His betrothed bride.

 

Our Groom is every woman’s dream.  There are many majestic descriptions of Him in the Bible, but I chose one that sums them up for me.  Hebrews 1:2b-3 says, “ God promised everything to the Son as an inheritance, and through the Son he created the universe.  The Son radiates God’s own glory and expresses the very character of God, and he sustains everything by the mighty power of his command. When he had cleansed us from our sins, he sat down in the place of honor at the right hand of the majestic God in heaven.” (NLT)  He creates and sustains everything, He has the very character of God and He cleansed us from all our sins.  This is a groom we can trust and look forward to spending our eternal lives with in Heaven.

 

The  Hebrew word for groom is Hatan.   It means one who makes a covenant. Our Heavenly Hatan has made a new covenant with us.  Hebrews 9:15, 28 says, “ That is why he is the one who mediates a new covenant between God and people, so that all who are called can receive the eternal inheritance God has promised them. For Christ died to set them free from the penalty of the sins they had committed under that first covenant. (28)  So also Christ died once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him.” (NLT)  This is the New Covenant He made for us.  We no longer have to sacrifice animals to cover over the sins we’ve committed.  He died once for all to bear the penalty for our sins.  Those who receive Him await as a purified bride for His return.  Every time we take communion, and at all moments in between, we’re remembering that He bore our sins, so we don’t have to. (We couldn’t anyway.  We’re not worthy to bear our own sins.) 

 

Why would our Hatan do that for us?  He loves us and wants to be intimate with us and it was the only way to establish that personal, intimate relationship He desires.  Isaiah 62:4 and 5 says, “Never again will you be called ‘The Forsaken City’ or ‘The Desolate Land.’ Your new name will be ‘The City of God’s Delight’ and ‘The Bride of God,’ for the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his bride. Your children will commit themselves to you, O Jerusalem, just as a young man commits himself to his bride. Then God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.”  Every bride wants to be cherished and adored.  God, Himself, delights in us, His bride.

 

Now that we’ve established the identity of the bride and Groom, we need to understand the wedding ceremony.  Ancient Jewish wedding traditions are very different from modern American ones.  We get a glimpse of the differences in the story of Mary and Joseph and their betrothal.  Was she married to him or engaged when Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit?  Let’s look at several of the steps in a Jewish wedding to get a clearer understanding.

 

The first element in the wedding process is the match.  The father of the groom selects a bride for His Beloved Son.  The choice of the groom and consent of the bride are important , but it’s the Father that makes the match.  In Ephesians 1:4 it says, “ Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” (NLT)  God loved us and chose us to be His.  I think Scripture supports that God loves all of His creation, and wants everyone for His own.  Sadly, not everyone consents to be His bride and gets left out of all that follows.

 

After the match is made, the bride price has to be paid.  It’s required by the law and paid by the father of the groom.  It reflects the value of the bride. We're told in 1 Corinthians 6:20, “For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” (NLT)   The price our Groom’s Father paid for us was high, because He values us so. What was our bride price?

“For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver.  It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God.  God chose him as your ransom long before the world began, but he has now revealed him to you in these last days.” (1 Peter 1:18-21; NLT)  Our Groom paid our bride price with His own life as He established His new covenant with us.

 

After the bride price is paid, love gifts are given by the groom to the bride before He returns to His home to make preparations for the wedding.  They are a pledge of His love and a reminder to the bride that He will return for her.  He’s thinking of her and desirous to complete the marriage.  The separation may be long, so He wants to be sure she remembers she is His. 

 

Our love gifts from our groom are very precious, and allow us to remember Him as we serve Him while we wait for His return. “And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.” (Ephesians 1:13b and 14; NLT)  He didn’t just leave the Holy Spirit in the world. Jesus said, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.” (John 14: 16 and 17; NLT)  We can read more about the love gifts the Holy Spirit gives us in 1 Corinthians 12 and in other  places.  This Gift is so real to us that we know the truth that Jesus will return for us.

 

The Marriage Covenant is then written.  The document states the rights of the bride and the promises of the groom.  Jesus established a new covenant with us.  We have it in writing in the New Testament.  The whole Bible lays out the plan of God redeeming His people and entering into a personal relationship with them.  It’s our Marriage Covenant.

 

The betrothal then begins.  This is the time Mary and Joseph were in when Jesus was conceived.  It’s a time where the couple is set apart to prepare for their marriage.  It is a time of great anticipation for them.  The groom is preparing a new home for them, and the bride is purifying herself as she waits for him in her father’s home. It will be the father of the groom who decides when everything is ready and the marriage can take place.   To break the marriage at this point requires a divorce which can only be initiated by the groom. 

 

We’re in our betrothal period with our Groom as well.  He has provided everything we need to know Him, so we can be assured He won’t break our covenant or divorce us.  We’re told in 1 Peter 1:3-5, “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.  And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.” (NLT)  God is protecting us as we live in this earth awaiting Jesus’ return.  It’s our responsibility as the bride to remain pure and set apart for our One True Groom. 

 

Jesus told us He would be busy during this time, too. “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.” (John 14:1-3; NLT)  When we take communion, we’re also remembering we’re His and He will come for us.

 

We’re now eagerly awaiting our marriage consummation.  As in Jewish tradition, the groom’s father decides when everything is ready and he can return for his bride.  It will be a surprise for her.  She is waiting in anticipation for him to come get her.  She is taken from her home and brought to the groom’s home.  She wears the wedding garments and crown the groom has provided.  They enter the marriage feast and then live happily ever after.  Many Scriptures confirm these events will happen for the bride of Christ.  Some are:

 

Mark 13:32:  “However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows.”

1 Thessalonians  4:17: “ Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever.” (NLT)

 

1 Peter 5:4:  “And when the Great Shepherd appears, you will receive a crown of never-ending glory and honor.” (NLT)

 

Isaiah 61:10:  “I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation  and draped me in a robe of righteousness.  I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels.” (NLT)

Revelation 19:6-9:   “Praise the Lord!  For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns. Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him.  For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear. For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people. And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.’ And he added, ‘These are true words that come from God.’” (NLT)

Let’s be ready for when our Groom returns for us like half of the virgins were ready and went in with the groom when He returned in Matthew 25.  We’re made ready by entering into the marriage contract and accepting Jesus’ bride price for us.  We have the Holy Spirit to reveal all truth to us and empower us to live and wait for Him. 

God left us a love song in Psalm 45.  Verse 11 says, “So the King will greatly desire your beauty;  Because He is your Lord, worship Him.” (NKJV)  He hasn’t forgotten we’re still here waiting.  He considers us beautiful and eagerly desires us.  He’s waiting until all of His Bride is complete.  Let’s worship and serve Him as we wait in eager expectation for that day.